Lots of people think of their pets as their children, and some pet-owners believe that their furbabies are actually the same as children. There are correlations, but I’m not so naive as to think that my fuzzy munchkins are the same as small humans.
Last night I was awoken by the sound of Dexter (cat) heaving. Dexter was directly next to me on the bed and I had no interest in suddenly having vomit land by my head. I grabbed him, swung him over my body and plopped him onto the floor, where he soon threw up. And the thing is, that just wouldn’t be an appropriate way of handling a baby that was about to be sick. It got me to thinking of all the things that I do for/with my animals, and how much I love them, but how wildly inappropriate those things would be around miniature humans.
Ten Things you can do with Pets,
but not Children
1. Leave them at home, alone, all day long, while you go to work. Or the beach. Or on a bender.
I mean, I guess they could come with…? Via FunnyZone
2. Encourage the disembowelment of toys with their teeth.
3. Spank or scratch their butts for an extended period of time.
(It starts at 0:35)
4. Feed them the same thing, day in and day out, for their entire lives.
It’s 20 minutes. You don’t need to watch the whole thing.
6. Allow complete strangers to touch and pet them.
7. Let them run around without any clothes on. Both at home and in public.
8. If they’re small – carry them in purses.
9. Let them play with, and chew on, real bones from previously living animals.
Via Terribly Terrier
10. Encourage public urination and defecation.
Via Bowery Boogie
Man, I love animals.