10 Things you can do with Pets, but not Children

Monday, March 2, 2015 , Permalink 0

Lots of people think of their pets as their children, and some pet-owners believe that their furbabies are actually the same as children. There are correlations, but I’m not so naive as to think that my fuzzy munchkins are the same as small humans.

Last night I was awoken by the sound of Dexter (cat) heaving. Dexter was directly next to me on the bed and I had no interest in suddenly having vomit land by my head. I grabbed him, swung him over my body and plopped him onto the floor, where he soon threw up. And the thing is, that just wouldn’t be an appropriate way of handling a baby that was about to be sick. It got me to thinking of all the things that I do for/with my animals, and how much I love them, but how wildly inappropriate those things would be around miniature humans.

 

Ten Things you can do with Pets,
but not Children

 

1. Leave them at home, alone, all day long, while you go to work. Or the beach. Or on a bender.

Drinking Babies

I mean, I guess they could come with…? Via FunnyZone

 

2. Encourage the disembowelment of toys with their teeth.

 

3. Spank or scratch their butts for an extended period of time.

(It starts at 0:35)

 

4. Feed them the same thing, day in and day out, for their entire lives.

It’s 20 minutes. You don’t need to watch the whole thing.

 
5. Leave fresh water out where they can find it, and otherwise not concern yourself with their hydration.
baby_eats_dog_food

Via BarfBlog

 
6. Allow complete strangers to touch and pet them.

 
7. Let them run around without any clothes on. Both at home and in public.

Diaper Babies in Grocery Cart

Via People of WalMart

 
8. If they’re small – carry them in purses.

Baby-In-Handbag

Via Inquisitr

 
9. Let them play with, and chew on, real bones from previously living animals.

baby-giving-dog-bone

Via Terribly Terrier

 
10. Encourage public urination and defecation.

Boy Peeing on Street

Via Bowery Boogie

Man, I love animals.

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6 Comments
  • Laura @ Life with Lolo
    March 2, 2015

    Bahahahaha this is great!!! So funny and so true. It makes me glad I have “furry” kids and not the real ones.

    • Jeans and a Tank Top
      March 3, 2015

      Glad you enjoyed it! I never specified that pets were better than kids, but… 😉

  • Stephanie Smallsen
    March 3, 2015

    Oh my hahahaha k whenever there’s a day I think someone questions my parenting I’ll be like atleast I’m not the lady with the naked kids at Walmart that feeds her kids in dog bowls and carries them in purses.

    • Jeans and a Tank Top
      March 3, 2015

      Exactly! No baby-in-purse photo posts for you, Stephanie!

  • Kasey
    March 3, 2015

    OH MY GOD. this is the best. I would say add taking them to bars, but apparently babies are allowed to come to bars now…

    • Jeans and a Tank Top
      March 3, 2015

      A la Sweet Home Alabama: “You have a baby!… In a… bar!”

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