Alright, abc. We need to talk. Things need to change and they need to change fast. This “To Be Continued” crap that you’ve been pulling increasingly the past few seasons? It’s stupid. Every episode is essentially already a “to be continued” situation because the last man/woman standing isn’t revealed until the final episode. Postponing Rose Ceremonies is annoying, not dramatic. Also, there’s something very anticlimactic about beginning an episode with a Rose Ceremony. What’s going to keep me from giving up mid-episode when the villain-of-the-moment is more obnoxious than entertaining? Nada. Your “To Be Continued” is self-indulgent and nobody likes it. Stop it. We good here? Great. Let’s move on to the Bachelorette Episode 2 Recap.
After sending home eight gentlemen last week, Rachel is feeling confident and ready to find love.
Chris Harrison seems slightly less confident, telling the remaining men he hopes “everyone’s here for the right reasons” and as sincere as Rachel. Hmm. That couldn’t possibly be foreshadowing, could it?
Dean, Jack, Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Fred and Whaboom celebrate their invitation to the season’s first group date with champagne. Iggy, feeling bromantic, toasts that he “can’t wait to share [the group date]” with the other guys.
They find Rachel grilling up some burgers, although she quickly turns the tongs over to her dates.
Self-Portrait Floral Jacquard Sleeveless Mini-Dress / similar cut-outs / similar silhouette
Stella & Dot Sawyer Stone Stretch Bracelet / similar
Stella & Dot Chevron Leather Wrap Bracelet / similar
open-toe ankle boots (not shown) – exact unknown / similar / similar
There’s some football and general mingling, with Rachel clearly amused by Whaboom. Iggy isn’t sure whether Whaboom is being himself or acting outlandish just to get noticed. Blake starts whining about how insincere Whaboom is, but then we learn that the two have history. Without specifying, Blake announces he’s going to ruin Whaboom’s plans. Looks like Blake is more interested in The Wha than Rachel. The group then meets up with Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. It’s a strange appearance, but they claim they’re Bachelor/ette Superfans.
Cut back to the house with a strange clip of AJ (Adam’s doll) floating in the pool. Will and Lee are having a conversation about the guys currently on the group date. Will likes joking around and messing with people, but thinks Lee takes things a little too far. Hmmm. That couldn’t possibly be foreshadowing, could it?
Back to the group date with That 70s Show, the guys learn they’ll be participating in a Husband Challenge. Six stations are meant to replicate normal husbandly tasks, two of which are clogged drains (little low on the creativity there), and whoever gets through all the tasks first wins! Odds are on Kenny, the only one who has raised a child, to take the crown. As the guys take off to station one (dirty diapers), Ashton remarks that he doesn’t think Rachel’s husband is in this group. Hmmm. That couldn’t possibly be foreshadowing, could it?
Blake gets knocked out of the competition fairly early. He informs his baby that they hate Whaboom. So many reasons that’s disturbing. Speaking of The Wha, he and Kenny are the last two dashing through the challenge. Then Whaboom throws out a straight arm, catching Kenny in the neck and knocking him off balance. Whaboom wins, despite Blake’s whining attempts to get him disqualified. What is the winner’s prize? A wooden star, with what appears to be a half-finished title written in Sharpie, on a red ribbon. That’s it. No extra private Rachel time. Just a crappy wooden star.
Before the group leaves, Whaboom tries to get Ashton to say his signature phrase. Ashton is not having it. After seeing the “Whaaaaaaaboooooom” in action, Ashton declares it “an effort.” Sit down, Whaboom. No-one is amused.
After a costume change, the group relocates to RC Vintage. Rachel is wearing WAY too much blush. It’s like the makeup artist was forced to apply the makeup in one of the dark corners of the warehouse.
Rachel begins one-on-one time with Whaboom. While he appears to be a slightly more normal version of himself, and reads a poem to her, in the other room Blake is trying to talk the other guys into loathing Whaboom, mysteriously hinting to having “encountered” him three years earlier. The guys don’t seem to be entirely convinced and around the corner Whaboom is having his first kiss with Rachel.
During one-on-one time things are still awkward with Fred, Jack thinks she’s “seriously” amazing and can’t form sentences, Jonathan offers diapering tips and Iggy, who is sweaty as all get out, wants to know about Rachel’s career horizon. At the house, Peter receives his invitation to the first One-on-One date of the season.
Iggy asks Whaboom who he really is. Whaboom responds that he holds his character high (In high regard? He thinks having good character is high priority? His character is that of someone who is high?) and that he can turn Whaboom on and off.
Blake sits down with Rachel and begins the I Hate Whaboom Show. He informs her that the competition pissed him off and he had to bite his tongue a lot. He explains that he lived with Whaboom’s ex-girlfriend and that The Wha isn’t there for the right reasons. He claims he didn’t want this to come up, he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore and “I want this to be about us.” Clearly. He then tells Whaboom, “you came up and I told the truth.” Does not mention that Whaboom “came up” because that was all he could talk about. Whaboom counters that the ex-girlfriend in question told him that Blake was crazy. Now. Whaboom may be over-the-top and mildly obnoxious with his alter-ego, but I’m going to believe him on this one, because… well, Blake. He’s covered in cray.
Rachel thinks her easy conversation and laughter during private time with Dean is a breath of fresh air. I suddenly think he looks like Chris Soules when he smiles. Kenny, getting away from white dudes acting crazy (Whaboom and Blake), talks more about his daughter with Rachel. She notes his age, pleased that he’s older than many of the other men, and sees a patience in him that she likes. The Date Rose goes to Dean.
Cut to DeMario, announcing that he is “here for Rachel, period.” Hmmm. That couldn’t possibly be foreshadowing, could it?
Peter drives Rachel to the first One-on-One date.
T by Alexander Wang Twist Front Tee / similar
skinny jeans – exact unknown / similar / similar
pendant necklace – exact unknown / similar / similar
bangle bracelet set – exact unknown / similar / similar
peep toe slingback heels – exact unknown / similar / similar
Despite the fact that he’s driving, he feigns confusion as they arrive in front of a private jet. Copper, Rachel’s dog, jumps out of a limo to join them and the three fly off to Palm Springs for Barkfest, a people/dog party hosted by BarkBox (it’s a subscription service for dogs). As Copper runs off to play, Peter and Rachel lounge in a kiddie pool filled with balls and each claim that they would have no problem moving for love. She looks forward to the evening and getting to know him on a deeper level.
The final group date card arrives at the house for Will, Jamey, Diggy, Alex, Adam, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah and DeMario. The only word on the card is “swish.” The guys are certain this means basketball. DeMario says this is the time for guys to “sink with the fishes or swim to shore.” I honestly don’t know what adage he was trying to come up with there.
Rachel and Peter arrive for dinner at La Quinta Resort & Club.
He thanks her for the date, she asks how his family feels about his participation in the show (supportive). They discuss the reasons they didn’t fix the gap in their front teeth (his is a family trait so it never occurred to fix it, a dentist told her it gave her character). They learn that, following major heartbreaks, they’d each turned to a therapist. She gives him the Date Rose, they kiss and then there are fireworks. Actual fireworks, not proverbial fireworks. Although she does say that she felt butterflies and is extremely hopeful about Peter.
For the second group date the guys meet Rachel at what appears to be a high school gym.
Trouvé Chiffon Bomber Jacket / similar / similar
Lululemon Dance to Yoga Bra / similar / similar
Lululemon Pace Perfect Tight / similar
Nike Air Jordan 11 Retro Space Jam (mens) / similar / similar
black and white bandana – exact unknown / similar / similar
Rachel is warming up with well-edited perfect shots. Alex has a man bun. Kareem Abdul-Jabar shows up to run drills with the guys. Lee, who showed up in awful camo-pants that are for photographing, not actually attempting to move in, is no good and actually falls down. Josiah came in confident but appears to miss every shot. Will seems to be pretty good and DeMario dunks a lot. DeMario is showing off, but Rachel is digging it.
Shocking no-one, the guys are then told they’ll be split into teams for a game and that the game will be in front of a packed house. During the game DeMario dunks a lot more. Eric does some dancing between dribbles. Rachel likes the cockiness on DeMario, but not so much on Eric. After the game (I don’t remember who won, it really doesn’t matter), Rachel poses for selfies with fans from the bleachers. And then she meets Lexi. Lexi, wearing a vintage 1995 bodysuit, jeans and a belt that is made for someone three times her size, announces that when she watched Rachel meet the first four guys on After the Final Rose she recognized her boyfriend of seven months. DeMario apparently ghosted her just 3 days before he met Rachel.
Rachel, smiling, goes to the guys and asks for some time with DeMario. He walks back to into the gym, talking about how much fun he’s had when Lexi announces herself. DeMario’s face shows recognition and panic as he says, “ooooohh,” and then he asks Rachel, “who is this?” while looking toward the producers that are standing just to the side of the cameras. From desperate attempt to pretend he doesn’t know Lexi he then admits to meeting her “a long time ago.” Then he admits they had “a thing,” but he left her because she’s crazy. Rachel asks whether he broke up with her face-to-face. He says yes. Lexi says no. Rachel asks when he stopped talking to her. Lexi offers a look at the text messages he’d sent her. Rachel asks whose story the messages will support. DeMario tries to figure out how he’s going to explain his way out of the messages, but Rachel doesn’t give him the chance, telling him to “get the fuck out.”
Side note: during her tirade, Lexi admits that during the seven months she was with DeMario, he refused to let her meet any of his friends or family. Allow me to paraphrase Chris Rock: If you have been dating a man for seven months, and you haven’t met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend.
Rachel walks away from the cameras and says she doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Chris Harrison appears and she blows right past him, leaving him standing awkwardly with nothing to do. Probably the first time anyone on the show has done that. I like it. Rachel decides she does want to talk to the remaining guys who are just sitting in the locker room oblivious to what’s gone on in the gym. She gives them the short version and announces that she doesn’t want to be played. Seems sort of like a given. I mean, no-one WANTS to be played.
The group, sans DeMario’s booted ass, reconvenes at Clifton’s Cabinet of Curiosities. Rachel has stellar makeup, making the previous group date cosmetic situation even stranger.
During private time Josiah exhibits his protective side and wants to see where things go with them. They kiss. Diggy wants to make sure she’s alright and to put the day’s drama in the past. Jamey asks her how she is while Will ponders the meaning of success. Alex sings a Russian folk song about dark beautiful eyes and makes Rachel laugh a real, true, belly laugh. Eric requests more time for them to get to know one another without forcing things. They kiss. Rachel gives the Date Rose to Josiah, who also gets butterflies.
The official cocktail party gets underway with Rachel wearing a dress that looks like it was made just for her. Major improvement over her Introduction Night gown.
Mac Duggal Style 40518L / similar / similar
Suzanne Kalan Earrings – exact unknown / similar / similar
Suzanne Kalan 18K Yellow Gold Pink Quartz Ring / similar / similar
Rachel Zoe Viv Sandals / similar
Bryan snags some one-on-one time and each confesses missing the other before sucking face. Adam wants to plan their future dream home. He has a Barbie Dream House as a prop. What is with this guy and dolls? As Iggy and Rachel have a thumb war, guess who shows up at the front gate? Yeah. That would be DeMario, who apparently believes he can somehow spin the Lexi situation. He tells Chris that he doesn’t want to allow Lexi to have assassinated his character as she did. She did not assassinate his character. She described their situation. He showed his character when he wasn’t able to admit the truth to Rachel.
Chris interrupts Rachel and Fred to let her know what’s going on. Fred, who was standing nearby, and Lee, who is an eavesdropper, also hear about DeMario’s return. When Rachel gives in to her curiosity (and we’re all a little curious about what ludicrous lie/desperate plea DeMario has come up with), Fred and Lee run to the remaining guys to spill the story. Someone gives a rallying cry to essentially kick DeMario’s off the property.
And then abc ruined my night with those stupid words. To Be Continued.
The 2nd Rose Ceremony will be postponed until Episode 3. I’d ask how your Bachelorette Bracket was doing, but without that 2nd Rose Ceremony… well…
Bring on Episode 3!