Bachelorette Kaitlyn: The Men Tell All Recap

The “Men” have spoken, and what have we learned?

No, really. What have we learned? Did we learn anything at all?

Here to help you muddle through and find the answers is The Men Tell All Recap.

Jared learned that the man-scruff on the cheeks was weird and has shaved it off. Congratulations, Jared! Or perhaps congratulations go to Chris Harrison, who apparently was the catalyst for the change. Jared is now a total dreamboat!

Jared Smooth Cheeks

Uuuunntil we learn he opted to be on Bachelor in Paradise. Unless you’re missing college-style Spring Break, and need a refresher on why that sort of Spring Break is best left to collegians, Bachelor in Paradise is a seriously questionable life choice.

Ian took this public forum as an opportunity to attempt damage control (perhaps he’s learning from Nick V?) by apologizing to the rest of the guys, and then Kaitlyn, while on his knees. He explained that that is who he really is, a humble man. (Because humble people need to advertise and explain their own humility, duh)

JJ announces that he was never truly the jackass which he appeared to be. His insults were simply misunderstood “hockey team” humor and it took him several weeks to notice that everyone else was offended instead of amused. JJ will also be on Bachelor in Paradise. Shocker.

Kentucky Joe cannot listen to JJ’s drivel without laughing. This may have been the best part of the episode. Unfortunately, save a weird pigeon-mask prank on Kaitlyn, it’s the only time we really hear from Joe. He, too, will be on Bachelor in Paradise. Disappointing.

Despite announcing, multiple times, during the original filming process that he had no interest in Kaitlyn, Clint states that he was there for Kaitlyn and developed feelings for her.

Corey (with an e) takes nearly everyone to task and talks a great deal about the poor decisions that Kaitlyn made. You remember Corey – he’s the one who… uh… no. Oh! On that one episode, he…. huh. Well, it seems he has a lot of opinions and was not impressed. With anyone. If we remembered who he was, perhaps that would mean something.

Ben H. and Ben Z. both have ample airtime, and the women of America swoon. They are both mature, well-spoken and guys you would take home to meet your mother. No announcement is made during the broadcast, but you have to imagine those two are neck-in-neck for becoming the next Bachelor.

Bachelorette Kaitlyn The Bens

Jonathan is still unhappy about Kaitlyn’s decision to have Nick V. join the show and lets her know it. She tells him that he is one of the sweetest, greatest guys she’s ever met. There’s a sense of loss with this, because the show never really exposed anything about Jonathan as a person. He had a few one-liners during the season, but nothing to let the viewers know him, and you feel like he probably is really great.

Ryan, who self-destructed before the first evening was over, has learned to laugh at himself. That’s good, because really, what else is there to do after being completely wasted-face on national television?

And then Kaitlyn.

*sigh*

I have not been a Kaitlyn fan. I have not been a fan of anything about this season of The Bachelorette. Then she goes and humbly stands up for herself (Ian, take note), defends her decisions without any anger, and gains some of my respect. DAMMIT. Were I given Kaitlyn’s set of circumstances, I doubt all my decisions would match her own. However, with the exception of lust coloring some of her judgement (which happens to everyone), she certainly seems to have been true to herself. She isn’t playing a character and she’s comfortable defending her actions to those who disagree. She’s owning it. THAT is something I absolutely respect.

You know I have to mention the dress. Given last week’s Bachelorette post, it should have come as no surprise to see that her choice of clothing was a form-fitting, sequin, high-neck, sleeveless gown in midnight with sheer detail. It was a mini, instead of full-length, but otherwise it was a sister to nearly every other gown this season. And another Mac Duggal.

Kaitlyn Mac Duggal Midnight Mini

And then, just as the credits threatened to roll, Chris Harrison said it. He said that the next (final) episode would have “…an ending like no other.” Ooooooh! There were clips of Nick and Shawn in the limos, and Nick twirling an engagement ring. Still no discussion of whether there will be an engagement, or even a proposal, but “an ending like no other.” Hmm.

No spoilers, please, but any guesses as to how this one ends?

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