I feel manipulated. Every season promo led me to believe a certain person was going to be very much a villain throughout the season. But every single one of those clips came solely from Episode 2 and they were all taken out of context. So the guy we were all expecting to be the baddie? Not actually a jerk at all. I mean, so far. There’s a lot of season left and he could turn out to be awful, but he hasn’t been yet. That was a helluva propaganda piece, ABC, and I’m not happy about it. Let’s set that aside (for a moment) and start at the beginning. Here is your Bachelorette Episode 2 Recap!
The first date card of Bachelorette Season 14 arrives at the mansion. Clay, Nick, Chris, David, Jean Blanc, Jordan, Connor (who I’m just realizing looks strikingly like Jordan Rogers) and Lincoln head off to Saddlerock Ranch to meet Becca.
Lincoln runs ahead of the group and grabs the first hug. Date activity number one is to get gussied up in tuxes (to complement Becca’s white bridal-esque gown).
The guys decide to all change in one room, with Becca present. She’s terribly embarrassed and it’s terribly cute.
This is when Becca first learns Jordan is a model. His professional advice? Before your shoes, before your socks, before your pantyhose (does anyone wear pantyhose any more?) “put your confidence on first.” He manages to say this with complete sincerity and clearly believes this is the most sage wisdom ever given. David is not impressed.
Becca and her dates head outside and meet Rachel and Bryan (heyyyy, Bachelorette Season 13) for a down and very dirty obstacle course they’re calling Groomsday. Becca explains that she “need(s) to know (she) can trust them.” And obviously, competing in a ridiculous obstacle course while dressed in a tux is the way to determine whether or not someone is trustworthy. Duh.
And the propaganda begins. Chris thinks Lincoln cheated on the water portion. Several other men think so, as well. Lincoln uses his hands in a no-hands challenge (but so does David). In the last mad dash David insists Lincoln pushes him, causing him to lose. Muddy, cake-covered Lincoln and pristine Becca then have their photo taken together.
At the post-date cocktail party there is a quick toast and Lincoln quickly grabs Becca.
Alone, he babbles endlessly about how she always brings out the best in him and how comfortable he feels around her. Which is great, except they haven’t spent that much time together, so it seems a little excessive and awkward. To me, anyway. Becca doesn’t seem to mind. She gifts him a framed copy of their photo from earlier in the day. When he places it on the coffee table in front of the other guys. They turn into a bunch of babies and lose their minds.
Between whining to one another there’s some one-on-one time with Becca. Chris wants to treat the woman he marries like his mom or his sister. I get what he was going for, but no woman wants her feel like a mother to their dude. David wants to be pushed intellectually, which is the first indication that he’s not as intelligent as he’s going to tell us he is. Jean Blanc gets butterflies whenever he sees Becca.
Unable to cope with a photograph (which he inexplicably insists is disrespectful), Connor rages and throws the framed photo into the pool. Dude needs anger management, and stat. Also? Broken glass by, let alone in, a pool? Just about the most asinine thing to do. Worst, this guy is from St Pete. Ugh. You’re giving this place a bad name, dude.
Lincoln has no qualms about telling Becca what Connor did, and it really isn’t in a tattletale way. Plus, that kind of anger is a legit red flag. Connor thinks Lincoln is throwing it out of proportion and tries to downplay the act by saying “I just got rid of it.” This is a volatile man who is not accepting responsibility. Did I say red flag? Because: red flag.
Becca tries to explain that she’s “looking for a man that can still stay respectful and handle himself well,” but Connor can’t stop interrupting. She shuts him down and says that now’s not a good time to get to know each other. That’s putting it lightly.
The date rose goes to Jean Blanc and Becca bails immediately after.
Back at the mansion the next morning, Lincoln cries and explains to some of the guys that the picture meant a lot to him. Jason listens to Lincoln in a supportively quiet manner then promptly runs off to make fun of him behind his back with everyone’s favorite caricature, Jordan.
The second date of the season, and the very first One on One Date, goes to Blake.
IRO Ashville Leather Jacket in Pink Sand / similar
James Perse Thermal Cashmere V-Neck / similar / similar
Paige Skinny Jeans – best guess for cut / similar / similar
Old Navy Sueded Side-Zip Ankle Boot / similar / similar
Robyn Rhodes Anita Earrings / similar / similar
Becca explains that she did not plan the date, Chris Harrison did and wouldn’t tell her what they’d be doing.
What they’re doing is breaking Arie-themed shit while Lil Jon DJs. Becca finds it terribly satisfying, which is understandable. It’s a brilliant way to cope and I think everyone should have that opportunity. But it’s a little weird to do it on a date… because it’s all about her ex and not the new guy.
After cleaning up they head to Warwick LA for dinner.
Diane Von Furstenberg Sweetheart Strapless Corset Dress / similar / similar
Royal Nomad Art Deco Earrings (prev. seen on Vanessa) / similar / similar
The Woods Fine Jewelry Black Enamel Bangle (not found) / similar / similar
You know, the dinner where no-one ever eats. They have a lot in common and both say that they’re on the same page. He gets the date rose.
Date number three takes Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Christon, Trent, Leo, Wills and Colton to a gymnasium while Mike and Jason stay home and come to terms with not getting a date this round.
In the gym the guys are schooled in dodgeball by a bunch of kids that are way funnier and more entertaining than the guys.
Several guys think they’ll tactfully hide behind Becca because they figure none of the guys will try to hit her with the ball. Have you met Christon? It’s a well-played move because Becca appreciates the challenge. The guys then head to a Sky Zone for an official Dodgeball battle which is commentated by Chris Harrison and a very elderly looking Fred Willard (and that last part makes me sad). Leo blames everyone else on his team for sucking and losing.
The post-cocktail party for this date takes place at Four Seasons Hotel Westlake Village.
Aidan by Aidan Mattox Sequin Cocktail Dress / in black / similar / similar
Shoedazzle Padma Ankle Strap Heel / similar / similar
earrings – believed to be The Woods Fine Jewelry (shown above) / similar / similar
chain choker(s) – believed to be The Woods Fine Jewelry (similar above) / similar / similar
necklace with stones – unknown / similar / similar
cocktail ring – possibly The Woods Fine Jewelry (shown above) / similar / similar
During one-on-one time Garrett tells Becca that she’s the girl version of him (does that mean he’s got a crush on himself?), Wills says he’s looking for kindness, loyalty and commitment before they kiss, Colton confesses that he and Becca’s friend (and former Bachelorette vying for Arie’s heart) Tia “had a weekend” together a few months ago. Awk-ward. Becca tells him she’ll need to think about this. The date rose goes to Wills.
Insert deep thoughts by Becca here.
For the official Cocktail Party Becca shows up in an amazeballs dress – so much more flattering than the gown from the first episode (although, sidenote, I’m mostly in love with the front of the dress, that back cut-out not so much).
Clay teaches Becca a touchdown dance that ends with a nervous kiss. John starts with a poem and ends with a kiss. Connor presents Becca with a photo of him from the group date and announces “I’m not him” (which, yes… yes, he is) and tells her to launch it into the pool. GLASS AND POOLS, PEOPLE! Colton is nervous and Becca tells him he should be.
Jordan wants her to fall for his personality so he… takes his clothes off and walks around? He tells Becca not to misinterpret him as “like, 007 all the time.” And then talks about how he wants children because he wants a “mini-me, a little Jordan.” See? He’s totally “multidimensional, not just some guy with hair.”
David decides to “confront” Jordan. About what, exactly, is unclear, but he asks if there’s any more to Jordan than him being a model and announces “I’m very articulate with my words”. They both stumble over pronouncing the word ingenuity and it’s essentially the lamest confrontation ever.
Time for the Rose Ceremony!
Sticking around for one more week (in order of roses received):
Jean Blanc (date rose, butterflies)
Blake (date rose, on the same page)
Wills (date rose, good conversation)
Chris (Chandler’s psycho roommate Eddie)
Jason (Mean Girl)
Clay (sweet, shy NFLer)
Mike (long blond hair)
Connor (Red Flag rage)
Leo (less-zen Kenny G)
David (little dude desperate to be seen as smart)
Garrett (crushing on himself)
Nick (a guy who’s still there)
Ryan (another guy who’s still there)
Jordan (male model)
Colton (dated her bestie)
Sent home during the 2nd Rose Ceremony were Alex, Rickey and Trent.
This week’s bracket score: 34. Total bracket score: 34. Only one wrong! How did you fare after the 2nd Rose Ceremony?